The Internet is going crazy right now as every single tech site is trying to figure out what will be announced tonight at the Back To The Mac Apple Event. I could have, like everyone else, decided to blog live from the event in order to let the world know what is being announced but then, I figured that my site has no chance of going down due to excess overload which kinda removes the fun out of doing so. In addition, I never understood why people would go to an alternate site to hear about live events when they can watch a live broadcast of it.
Anyway, I had the greatest idea about this event! I contacted one of the Aliens that allegedly abducted me in my sleep two nights ago and thanks to the advanced knowledge of his civilization and a bit of fumbling with quantum mechanics, we went forward in time (and while at it in space as well) in order to attend the live event.
This is how, now that I'm back in my timeline, I can tell the world about was announced (past tense for me) in 12 hours:
- Fantastic and unbelievable quarter with record earnings, sales and revenues.
- Apple is the coolest brand in the world and Steve Jobs one of the coolest guys on the planet (wouldn't he wear something else than his usual pair of jeans, sneakers and black long sleeve t-shirt if he needed to assert his coolness on anything else than his achievements as the CEO of Apple Inc. ?).
- The iPhone is the greatest thing ever.
- The iPad is the coolest computer and tablet altogether.
- Apple has never sold so many Macs. Ever.
- Tonight was announced a new MacBook Air. It will come in 2 sizes: 11.6 inches & 13.3 inches. Both versions are cool. Don't bother about tech specs, just buy one of them or even better: both!
- Mac OS X 10.7 "Lion": Apple has been working on this Mac OS X implementation for 20 years (Yes 20 years!!! Can you believe it?) and they are now ready to announce it. The coolest feature: it will support touch based devices! Screen protection manufacturers worldwide rejoice: you guys are gonna sell even more film protections and now in bigger sizes just for Macs.
- New Macs may or may not have been announced (at the time Steve was talking about this, I realized my iPhone 4 had no signal... I realized this was due to my alternate self probably using his at the same time. This anomaly in the space-time continuum probably crashed my carrier (Orange France)... Sorry about that but wasn't it worth it? At least, it was to me)
- Hybrid GSM-CDMA iPhone: it was not announced in 12 hours but should be in January (at least in the timeline I was).
That's it! Don't thank me! Don't watch the live event tonight, you already know everything. You should use the saved time to work overtime in order to be able to afford the new Macbook Air, iMacs & Mac OS X Lion. You can buy it all here: Apple Store.
Disclaimer: due to the unusual way I was able to obtain the information mentioned in this post, some of it might be actually pertaining to a different timeline than yours and mine and hence might not reflect exactly what our timeline might learn tonight.
Note: For those of you who are wondering how I contacted the Alien that abducted me, the answer is a very simple one: I called them on their iPhone. Actually, the main reason why Aliens visited Earth in the first place was to obtain iPhones. They now have a saying on their planet: "We may be more advanced than humans, but we have no Steve Jobs amongst us".
Note 2: This is my 69th post! I'll let each and everyone of you decide in which way (hmmm) you want to celebrate it.
Note 3: I love notes!
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